sandi
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Posts: 37
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Post by sandi on Mar 16, 2012 20:26:58 GMT -5
Okay, so I know an editor would help me with this, but for some reason, I'm uber hung up on it at this point. My story is written in the past tense. Here's my sentence, in each tense that I think might be correct...
"Sleep, treacherous beast that it is, claimed her before she could apologize."
"Sleep, treacherous beast that it was, claimed her before she could apologize."
Sleep is a beast. But in this case, would it be that sleep was a beast for doing that? I'm so confused as to which tense to use here, and in all honesty, I have had too many editors that knew even less than I do and wouldn't notice this either way I did it... so...
Help me out here, please? ;D
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Post by Siana Blackwood on Mar 16, 2012 21:25:22 GMT -5
I'd probably go with the second one because breaks in tense (grammatically correct or not) always disrupt the flow of the story.
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sandi
New Member
Posts: 37
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Post by sandi on Mar 16, 2012 21:56:19 GMT -5
I'd probably go with the second one because breaks in tense (grammatically correct or not) always disrupt the flow of the story. Thanks. I think the first is grammatically correct, but it just doesn't flow well for the story. I wrote it and it seemed jarring and discordant. I tend to be a real stickler for grammatical accuracy, except that I've learned over time that sometimes it doesn't work for literature. I use a lot of 'but' or 'and' at the beginning of sentences and a lot of fragments, too... There are many times when they work very nicely, even if they are technically inaccurate. |
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Post by RJA on Mar 17, 2012 7:11:33 GMT -5
From my very Dutch point of view it seems more logical to stay in past sense and the flow is better. But I'm not a native speaker so I don't think I'm the best one to give you advice on this  And I you little words like 'but', 'and' & others lot as well. I'm trying to write around it every now and then, but loads of time it's just inevitable. |
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Amy P. Reed
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Night Life Chronicles: Midnight Hotel
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Post by Amy P. Reed on Mar 18, 2012 14:14:41 GMT -5
"Sleep, treacherous beast that it is, claimed her before she could apologize." "Sleep, treacherous beast that it was, claimed her before she could apologize." If it is someone talking either to themselves or someone else, then you can use present tense. If it's narrative, however, it would be past tense. If you go with the second one and it's someone talking, it sounds like sleep no longer exists. I hope this helps. |
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Post by Agent Double Oh Zero on Mar 18, 2012 15:56:10 GMT -5
I would go with the second, if it is just literary narration. Tense changes break the flow. However, if it's dialogue, use the first.
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sandi
New Member
Posts: 37
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Post by sandi on Mar 18, 2012 19:00:53 GMT -5
Excellent! It's narrative. That was very helpful.  |
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Amy P. Reed
New Member
Night Life Chronicles: Midnight Hotel
Posts: 40
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Post by Amy P. Reed on Mar 22, 2012 15:50:52 GMT -5
Sandi, I'm glad we could help out.
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